‘Overcome by the depths of winter
the morning lay in wait
for a sign of unspoiled life.
Goodbye December, the time has come; time to say goodbye.
Another year has gone by; it passed swiftly, as always. There it was; larger than life, filled with its seemly countless blank days, its stories untold, its memories impatiently waiting for somewhere to begin. And then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone. You came along, announcing the end of a moment in time, running quietly forward, straight into new times to come.
Goodbye Dear December, I have to hurry now. I look behind me & it seems you are already fading. I can’t help feeling that I have somehow lived less of you than I usually would. Like I spend my time moving through one day, merely to get to another. Do you know what I mean? I wonder if you felt it too. It’s not that I wasn’t grateful for your days or that you didn’t provide all that a good December is supposed to provide. You gave me cold days, frosty morning & stormy evenings. You gave me Christmas lights, hearty meals & heartfelt conversations. There were unexpected moments, there were sweet surprises too. Lights appeared in trees, windows were decorated with words of wisdom. Mist crawled through the streets, frost wrapped its celestial white arms around spider webs, decorated fences & walls with the sparkling wonders of your winter. Flocks of gees passed overhead, calling out one to the other, I bid them a silent farewell, wanting them to travel safe, yet to return with spring. There was beauty everywhere; enough to go around, enough to satisfy the soul. But yet, it was as if I wasn’t really there to witness it all.
But, dear December, it wasn’t you. It was me. I suppose I got distracted by the finality of your season. Distracted by the end of things, rather than by the middle of them. Your days have been heavy with thought. But not with thoughts of you. It were thoughts of this year’s ambiguous heritage instead.
A full year has passed. It is slowly receding back into itself. Leaving us standing at the brink of something new, still feeling slightly weary of the world & all its heartache. Weary of people dying in the safety of our streets, weary of cities under siege, children dying too young or growing up too fast. Weary of our endless wavering believe in what is right & what is wrong. Who are we now? And where will we go from here? The past year has been a challenge to the soul & I’m afraid you have been no exception, December. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel defeated by it all. Frightened of what lies ahead. What if I am simply too trivial & insignificant to stand up to the new ways of this world? What if I’m too frightened to take a stand or to simply speak my mind? I don’t want to worry, but how can I not?
Dear beautiful December, I am sorry for the lack of attention that I have given you. I feel I have let you & myself down. And I am truly sorry about that. Because all I really want is to thank you. Thanks you & all those colourful, eventful, wonderful & priceless months that came before. I have moved through most days of the past year with wide open eyes, boundless appreciation & an endless wandering mind. I have witnessed early mornings; pristine & promising. I have walked through the silence of seasons unfolding, have wrapped my arms tightly around the beginning of each day.
I read more books than I did the year before, I never wrote enough letters, I cooked countless meals & watched new stories unfold in & around me. I have worried, I have cried, I have felt at a loss, defeated, adrift. But I have laughed too. I have celebrated, I have walked, I have enjoyed, I have seen & I have done. I wrote down my version of events, I documented my humble understanding of beauty & I created something that was mine & no one else’s. I loved, I rejoiced, I learned & unlearned. I thought, I was & I wasn’t. And more than anything, I lived. Lived as courageously & as consciously I could. And it wasn’t perfect. Of course, it wasn’t. But it was the best & the only thing I could think to do. And I loved it. And I thank you all for that.
Goodbye Dearest December, goodbye to you. Goodbye days. Goodbye weeks. Goodbye Year. I’ll must be going now. But I’ll make sure to think of you along the way…
Series: way too many episodes of Lost.
Movies: Mystic River, Les Misérables
Songs of the year:
Elegy for the artic – Ludovico Einaudi
Incomplete – James Bay
Will of the river – First Aid Kit
Nemesis – David Gray
You want it darker – Leonard Cohen
New Year’s eve – First Aid Kit