Goodbye July, goodbye to your canopy of darker shades of green, your half-hearted attempts at better weather, your respectful restrain at being the full-blown summer you could chose to be.
I had a hard time writing this month’s goodbye to you, dear July. A hard time writing about the walks I made, the new things I might have learned, the small events shaping my beautiful daily life. I keep asking myself; what is a golden sunset falling across the fields behind my house, compared to all that is happening in the world around me? Is there ever an appropriate time to reminisce about a beautiful afternoon tea, shared with loved ones, when there are deaths to mourn, issues to address & demons to face?
You see, Sweet July, this wondering is rapidly turning into an ongoing battle, as I try to balance between my world, the rest of the world & the careful merging of those two. How to live in a world where there is light, as well as dark. A world where there is good & there is evil. Where there is a long awaited graduation. A kiss on a cheek. A parent with no child to take care off. Where there are flowers that last longer than expected. A battle everyone loses. Where there is the comfort of nostalgia. Where there is a man who loses everything. Where there is a safe return. There is a bridge that divides instead of connects. A night without mosquitos. No day without news. Where there is a peaceful process that is blown apart. Where there is a cup of coffee just at the right time.
A world where there is a new day. Always a hopeful, completely unmarked, new day.
And all through your 31 days, sweet July, I have been able to live out my own set of beautiful, unmarked days, full of promises of what’s to come. I’ve been cycling into each of those fresh mornings, stirring unsuspected gulls, watching the light catch on their delicate wings as they sail through the sky. I have filled my lungs at the start of every single day. I made plans in my head. I looked up & around. I cycled home, while thinking of children standing at the gates we all allowed for someone to pull up. Thinking of men and women, somewhere out there, planning & plotting scenarios worse than any movie I have ever seen, worse than all of us could ever begin to imagine. I felt frightened and happy and small and important and young and old, all at once. And as I cycled through that new day, long & unstained before me, I thought of the words of a friend. He told me that the best thing for us to do right now would be to stick together, to be kind to everyone & more than anything, to love; love each other & ourselves. And I like to think he might be right.
Goodbye Dear July, I have come to the end of my words. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to honour you in the same way as I have done the other months. But hopefully you don’t mind too much. I did have a nice time with you. So, I do want to thank you. For the walks, for the clumsy baby birds learning to fly, for the flowers everywhere. Thank you for the happy reunions & the uncomplicated partings. Thank you for uncrowded cinemas & for trips down memory lane. Thanks for all those many moments, all the many things & all those lovely instances that make up the sum of my life. Thank you for all the freedom that I’ve been given by those who went before me; the freedom of speech, the freedom of being, the priceless freedom that enables me to sit here, write this, be who I am, without taking a moment to wonder whether I should be someone else instead.
Thank you, dear July, and please remember; I love you…..
Book: ‘Shock of the Fall’, by Nathan Filer. And I read most of ‘Taal is zeg maar echt mijn ding‘, by the Dutch author Paulien Cornelisse
Series: E.R, finished the Netflix original ‘Bloodline’ & watched a few episodes of ‘Early Edition’.
Movies: I saw ‘The BFG’ (the Big Friendly Giant) in the cinema, it was absolutely awesome & a real great trip down memory lane, as I used that love the Roald Dahl book as a kid.
Songs of the month:
Piece by piece – Katie Melua
What would I do without you – Drew Holcomb
Stay Gold – First Aid Kit
Day to day 6 days a week – L.A.Salami
Somebody’s Love – Passenger