This blog is late. Very late. In fact I think I haven’t been this behind with updating since the start of this year. I wish I could tell you why it happened. Wish I could explain about all the zillions things I did while not updating this blog. But truth is that I, for some reason, did very little & I don’t even remember what I was doing on those Wednesdays I usually spend updating this blog. Time simply got away with me. That’s it.
June has been an unusual month so far, marked by heart-warming & slightly unexpected reunions. My brother came home & so did my sister. And, as reunions tend to do, this brought about a whole range of wonderful emotions. I was overjoyed to finally have the family together again. To finally be able catch up on life.
But this long overdue meeting also brought the realization that time moves quickly. That weeks, months & even years pass by faster than any of us seem to realize. And we hardly seem to notice, until we are stopped in our tracks & look into the faces of those who grew up beside us. And then suddenly it is undeniable. Because the little boy, who was your brother & the small girl, who was once your sister; they have all grown into the adults beside you. Still your brother, still your sister, still the same, yet so different.
I look at the people who were there all through my life; those individuals, my siblings, who now live their own adult lives, who meet new people, who create memories I will never be a part of. Those brave souls who are venturing out into the world, leaving me behind with a head full of moments & a heart full of love.
‘Where have the years gone?’ I ask myself. ‘And what have I done with them’, I wonder, suddenly feeling older than I really am. What do I have to show for it all? I look time in its watchful eyes & try to decide whether to be proud or disappointed. What have I been doing while they grew up to be people with jobs, husbands, wives, dreams on the brink of coming true? Who on earth am I in this circle of beautiful, capable people?
As you might have read between the lines by now, I have been a bit of an emotional train wreck in these last few weeks & even something as simple as combining words to pictures seemed an impossible task somehow. My inner-critic was more than happy to take the lead & left my humble self confidence in ruins. And so, for a moment, I stopped believing in the pictures I make, the words I write & the project I trying to finish. Everything I made suddenly seemed unimportant, imperfect & silly even. And I wondered why I should bother at all. I suppose I just stopped believing in myself all together. For a while.
But then one of those incredible, beautiful & extraordinary siblings of mine, stepped in. Embraced me with arms full of familiar warmth & unconditional love. Embraced me so long, so patiently & so completely that she put me right back together again. Embraced me & scared off that silly inner critic of mine, creating space for hopefulness to flood back in.
This blog is late. Very late. Like I am. And have been. Most of my life. Late to the game, I suppose. Late, but I always keep on going…