the grass is greener
on the other side
Sometimes I seem to forget that this blog, that this space right here, is mine. My place to explore, discover, learn & share whatever I feel is worth sharing. As always I forget contains doesn’t necessarily have to be flawless for it to be nice. Pictures don’t have to be perfect. Words don’t have to be edited, reedited & reread before they are allowed to find their way to this page. After all, this is my place to be as flawed & imperfect as I need to be at times. The place where my inner critic should be forgotten & forbidden.
But, as it goes with most people, my old habits seem to die hard. My stubborn mind falls into familiar patterns; it turns harmless wondering into endless worrying & gets in the way of my creativity time and time again.
And this is why, at the beginning of this month, I was feeling pretty anxious about my month’s theme, unsure about the subthemes; texture, reflection, patterns & perspective. I felt I had little experience with these unexplored photo subjects & set off with a sense of insecurity surrounding me. The first week of April became nothing but a struggle. I was over-analysing & over-thinking every picture I took, I found myself worried about the colours, the composition & the subjects. And all this worrying was taking the fun out of this whole photo project.
But halfway this beautiful spring month I had enough it & decided to have a good one on one with my pondering mind. My spring break started & it couldn’t have come at a better time. I left the computer where it was, packed my clothes & the camera and set off into the waking world outside. And as I cycled through the fields, as I walked across the beach & as I marvelled at this exiting world bathing in green, I forgot to worry about angles, colours, composition. I took photo after photo, feeling exited every time my finger found the shutter. I hardly thought of patterns or perspective. And whenever I did think about them, I came to the conclusion that both subjects were everything but new to me. Wasn’t I the one who spend an entire year shooting PlayMobil figures at impossible angles; changing perspective each time I tried to place these little people in this world full of slightly bigger people? And didn’t I spend every single summer finding beautiful patterns in skies above, the cobbles on the pavement & the crops growing on the fields all around?
Patterns. So hard to break. My mind loves wandering, but for years I used it for worrying instead. So, who am I to blame it for doing what it has always been told to do?
Patterns. Patterns everywhere & all around. Some of these patterns are comforting & safe. Some keep me grounded & provide structure when I need it most. But sometime these same patterns hold me back, get me down & force me to sound the retreat. And that’s when I know it is time for a change. Time to trade places, play some mind tricks on that silly mind of mine & change perspective for a while….