I wish I was better at this whole blog thing. I admire all those people out there who somehow manage to post something on a daily basis. Those hardworking bloggers who take time to document all they do & manage to write beautiful things all the time. It’s not that I don’t want to, or that I don’t have enough ideas in my head. Plenty of nights I lay in bed; wide awake, my head brimming with words, thoughts & possible things to share here.
So, in my mind, I’ve put together food blog after food blog. I took all the necessary pictures, wrote the appropriate text to accompany them. I shared recipes & stories, telling you all about the love I poured into every single spoonful. Needless to say, those blogs all turned out great, exactly the way I wanted to. In my mind they did.
Yes, in my mind, I’ve been writing plenty more letters to my psychologist; long, heartfelt monologues filled with both doubts, questions, but also glorious moments of personal triumph. I wanted to let him know that I was going strong, despite the world seemly going crazy around me. Wanted to stand tall & let him know I don’t worry about incurable diseases as much as I once would have. That I can look at myself critical without crushing every last bit of confidence in the process. I wrote & wrote, there in the darkness of my bedroom, words falling from my head into my dreams. And in the morning they’re were nowhere to be found.
It’s in my mind where I considered the end of the year & all the words I could possible write about those twelve incomprehensible months behind us. I thought about the long poem I usually write at the end of the year, covering the world news & I wondered how to wrap so much suffering into something as simple as a few words. That’s when I knew I wouldn’t be writing that poem this year. But can I just let it go by, I asked myself, shouldn’t I make an effort & think of a different way to pay tribute to all those hours, days & weeks…And so I came up with an elaborate story about both the hardship & the happiness, the grief & the gratitude. And what a beautiful story it was, up there in my wondering mind…
I have an amazing blog. In my mind. Heavy with content, brimming with excitement, beauty & wonder. Words for the cranes who migrated across this narrow piece of land; delighted as a child as I stood & stared. Words for the incredible modern dance choreography my sister took me to see; how I sat mesmerized in the dark, pulled away from reality during all those incredible minutes. And words for the songs I discovered & instantly loved; singing & dancing through the kitchen, my heart unwinding.
Words, so many of them, coming together as a perfect whole in this far corner of the worldwide web. Words for all those 365 unique days I spend walking, thinking, singing, cooking, discovering, crying, laughing, celebrating, writing, remembering, sleeping, dreaming, hoping, imagining, creating & more than anything, living.
An amazing blog…..Who knows, maybe next year?
P.S. Dear Playmobil Family, please don’t take this personal. It’s been marvellous documenting our lives together, don’t get me wrong:). In fact, we have had so much fun, that it will be hard to part ways in a couple of weeks. And it’s this parting which worries me, cause who will make my blog lively, colourful & fun when you’re no longer around to help me? That’s why maybe we should think of new ways to make a year round commitment to this place. What do you say; are you in?