Dawn is breaking. The sky is changing color. My head is brimming with thoughts; big & small, possible & impossible, pressing & pointless. The sun is climbing into the cloudless sky. The radio is on. They’re telling me it will rain today. The heating is warm, it makes the cat happy. I look at her. She looks at me. We got up early. We slept too little. The news starts. It’s all new. I look at her. She looks away, cleans her fur. She doesn’t listen to the news. She knows it’s not new. Her thoughts are big nor small, not possible or impossible. For her everything seems as pressing as it seems pointless. The cat thinks of the sun, falling across the floor. The cat thinks of the heating, warm & indulgent. Satisfied, she curls up, purrs & decides to sleep just a little more than usual. I look at her. I sit very still, hands wrapped around my teacup. Feel the sun on my hair, squint my eyes & think of all the possible things I could think of.
This morning I cycled through the silent city streets. It was dark, but there was a lightness in my mind. My thoughts were both big & small, they were all about life. The complexity and the simplicity of it. How happiness & sorrow go hand in hand. And how we learn to laugh through our tears, because we know it is the very best way to handle this gorgeous, complicated & extraordinary life.
The cat is snoring. She says she doesn’t. But I know she does. I switch off the news, drink my tea in silence. I smile away my thoughts. One by one.