I feel sad today. The world weighs heavy on my mind. My heart is torn between mourning & wondering, while my soul fills itself with uncertainty.
I worry. A plane fell from the sky. History shows us that it takes a whole lot less for the world to spin out of control. I’m worried about the fingers which will be pointed, the accusations that will be made & the cold hard truth of it all. People have died and suddenly everyone will have an opinion. A conflict, which we could so easily ignore before, has seemed to have crossed our border and invaded our lives in the most alarming way possible. what if we can no longer look the other way?
I feel guilty. Guilty for life going on, I feel stupid for laughing, worrying or fretting over little things, while planes fall from the sky & so many lives are altered. And then, at the same time, I feel guilty for not feeling like this every single day of my life, because bombs fall from the sky all the time, lives are altered everyday everywhere.
The world is a crazy place. Or maybe the world is fine and we are the silly ones. With our minds that work in mysteries ways. Our attention that hops from one subject to the other with such ease that it scares me at times.
Children are being kidnapped, while I grumble because the tea is finished & I have to get a new pack from the pantry. Planes crash, family swept apart, while I wonder what we should have for dinner tonight. One nation bombing the other, wars declared as easily as peace treaties are signed & I complain about the neighbors keeping me up at night. I know it has to be this way at times. I know I can’t mourn every father, every mother, every child. I cannot fill my heart & soul with all the sadness of this world. But neither can I disregard everything that goes on around me, with the paper-thin excuse of self protection.
Every day I watch the news, read the headlines, try to puzzle it all together into a comprehendible whole. I’m looking for something to wrap my mind around, something I can swallow. I read the articles & I suppose I’m looking for silent clues to reassure me that everything will be alright again. That someday it will all blow over. Someone to tell me that I need not worry about things which have little to do with me. But doesn’t everything have to do with me somehow? Aren’t we all connected in one way or the other? Are we ever allowed to look the other way? I wonder, how I supposed to live here & live everywhere else all at once? And what happens when there catches up with here?
I’ve spend all morning trying to puzzle the pieces together & to ease my troubled mind, while putting it all down into words. But the picture isn’t getting clearer & neither is the message I’m trying to get across. But maybe it’s simply too much to ask to comprehend the world in one single summer day, during which some of us are laid to rest while others look up at the sky & see the sun.
Maybe I should just feel sad today; sad for all those who lost family, friends & lovers. I want to take a moment, a long silent moment to give them my thought, my love & my compassion. And that’s all I can do…